“Keep Calm and Imagine The Homecoming.”
I see this everywhere.
While I am incredibly excited for him to come home, I’m also a little nervous. With every week that passes, I get a little more happy knowing he’s almost home, but there is a feeling of worry that comes along with it. It has been a while since we have been able to even hold each others’ hand. I’m nervous we won’t find our rhythm again.
We’re not married, or even engaged yet, but I still have this urge to “nest”. (This is the best term that I could come up with to describe the feeling.) I have probably rearranged my room a dozen times. I bought new sheets. I even got him new clothes throughout this whole deployment. I just want everything to be perfect.
Now, my definition of the perfect homecoming does not include bells and whistles, or running into each others’ arms in a Nicholas Sparks movie-like fashion. All I want is for us to find our rhythm and be our normal, goofy selves again. I am completely ready to pick up right where we left off, but I know we might have some challenges ahead of us.
I know he’s nervous too, so at least I’m not alone in this. But we are nervous about different things. Our daily routines have obviously been different. We have been able to communicate pretty frequently throughout this deployment, which has been such a blessing. In one of our conversations I asked him if he was nervous or scared to come home. The reason I asked was because I wanted to assure him that we would be fine. I wanted to take away any bit of worry or stress that I could on the home front. If I could eliminate even the tiniest bit of stress for him, I wanted to do it.
He’s nervous he won’t know how to relax. With all the uncertainty and stress over there, he’s worried he won’t know how to react and function in a much lower stress environment.
He’s worried that he’ll be angry all the time. With little sleep and 14 hour work days, everyone is bound to get ticked off about something. He’s almost always grumpy at some point in the day. He’s nervous about the possibility of losing his temper.
And lastly, he’s nervous that I will have gotten used to living without him.
How could I? Yes, I have learned to deal with him being gone for some time, and yes, I have developed a routine while he has been away, but in the back of my mind, I know it is all temporary.
While I’m more than excited to have him home, I know we will have some challenges but I’m ready to tackle them together.